Anonymous-
I am thankful for finding a link through a link to this link. And thankful that I can post this anonymously because I feel I can't tell anyone.
I try to believe in people. I try to believe in myself. I believe that God and I pick my path. I want to get off this path and yet, I want the dream that was painted and life breathed into, that has grown in my heart... and yet I know it can not be.
I met him on Match. A friend set me up on there because that is where she met her boyfriend, now fiance'. I got some messages from a few different guys. This one I slowly began to talk to. He seemed really nice. Lived in a 100 mile area from me, had a business of his own, not married, own car etc etc. Tried checking some of it and seemed legit.
Out of the country on business. Okay. Googled a poem he said he wrote and someone else wrote it. I don't like that because I have written poems and I don't want to be copied without credit. Asked him about it. I let it go. Maybe I should have run the other way. I am also a curious person, and sometimes, I just need to let things go where they go. This one has cost me about $20,000.00. Money I have had many other uses for but wanted to believe. The last few months I have been tracking emails to their IP addresses. He isn't just one person, which I also suspected at one time (the way people type, wording... text fonts and colors that they may use...) just feels that it was more than one person. The current emails are coming from "him" at one email and from a company at another, but on the same IP address.
I am about to call him on it. I'm tired of being lied to and tried to get him to tell me the truth. I was going to log each email IP information and let him know everything I know, but that is such a LONG list. I mean, going back to the beginning... 2 years.
I have fallen in love with a dream. A voice. The emails, I have mixed feelings about. It was the voice though. And being made to feel special. The flowers. The teddy bears. I could be debt free though with not sending any of that money. I don't have all the bills and obligations most my age do. (I'm over 35, single, home is paid for, car is paid for, no major medical issues, no children but possibly what I owe would be clues to me if I stated some.) It's just money... and my heart. And the thing about my heart... that is harder than the money. I try to let people think I am self confident, that I am strong and everything else. I'm not... I have somethings in my past that have taken that away from me by me.
I would like to have the love I deserve by a man that is what God will send to me. I thought this was the man. I'm tired of being alone. In the mean time, I will keep talking and trusting God with what I am suppose to do in this life.
Thank you for allowing me to say that I am an idiot for believing in what I knew wasn't real.
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